Ive already contacted support god knows how long they will take to respond but they completely messed up the account transfers. My account has all of my wifes characters on it, and on hers nothing. Has to even choose a new starting family name. I have no idea how this could have happened since i did my account first, hers second and we both had independent emails confirming each account. I really hope support can fix this because this is a joke.

This is what I did for it to work for me though not sure if it will work for you but give it a shot.  I went through Steam.  I logged into my Steam account, go to colletions, select BDO then press the Green play button.  A prompt will appear asking to put your email address in. So you DO NOT use your main email address that you have been using (it will say email already in use). Create or use another email to log on instead and it will all work out.  I had a second email address from gmail I rarely use so I entered that email instead. It asks you to verify it by sending you a code on that email address.  Entering the code and then the new launcher appears press Play Game and all of a sudden all your characters should be there.  It worked for me, I agree it's dumb how it's set up that way, confusing that the developers did not tell us this, and very frustrating on how this whole mess has played out.